Dear Whoever,

Dear whoever,

I am not asking for a response, for understanding, for the sky to be cleared. I am asking for ears.

I used to think that the world owed me so much more than what I was getting. That my life was an example of my happiness being disregarded. The unknown did nothing but pry its way into my head each time that progress took one step forward. Behind my lips was a pile of all things that had forgotten me.

I was lost because I did not want to understand myself. Hiding behind a door for so long weakened and ruined and belittled me so deeply that stepping out seemed impossible.

You were a light when I couldn’t see anything that was my own. And when that light expired and burnt out with goodbyes forced to be said, I felt I had to walk around aimlessly, blind, and with no sense of direction.

How was I supposed to survive what felt like a permanent absence of stability?

I think I saw you as the closest thing to clarity that I could find. I understand now that I am the closest thing to clarity I will ever find. In my world that is shaking and shivering and spinning, the sole thing that keeps me secure is the knowledge that I am the most real and most beautiful thing I could have. 

I am a beautiful person who cherishes their vulnerability. I am a beautiful person who believes that journeys never truly end. I am a beautiful person who loves who they love with all that they have. I am a beautiful person who carries their pride with them wherever they go. I am a beautiful person who appreciates darkness just as much as the light. I am a beautiful person who will not change for anyone and stays true to themselves. 

I am beautiful not because of you. I am beautiful because you made me realize that the greatest gift I could give myself was that alone. Myself.

Thanks, I guess.

Val

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s