2017 was hard.
I fell far too many times. My body fought against itself so deeply that I couldn’t do anything but let it fight. I missed a lot of sacred moments. Bad things happened to good people, and that angered me. But, I also laughed so hard that I must have added another five years to my life. I made new friends and said goodbye to other ones. I was given the best experience of my life. I learned how great and amazing empty pages were.
This year, the battle with the guilt and frustration of not waking up in complete admiration and love for what I was immersing myself in every day tore me apart. A layer of what felt like sinful ingratitude annoyed, confused, and defeated me. Waking up each morning and not doing something that I loved was so hard. It is so hard.
Throughout the year, I saw my purpose, the thing that got me out of bed in the morning and filled me with honor and love, as a blank space. It stared me down. That blank space, that blinking line, was waiting to pervade.
But my purpose is not a blank space. That blank space has already been filled. I am on a journey to find what it is that I am fully intended to do. Because I am a work in progress, learning and realizing and comprehending and laughing and crying and discovering and shaking and standing and loving, that place my purpose lies, waiting for me to embrace it, has to appear empty to me because I have not reached that place yet.
I get out of the bed in the morning because I have so much passion. Passion for the journey that learning and realizing and comprehending and laughing and crying and discovering and shaking and standing and loving is taking me on. Passion for the things I have done in the past. Passion for the things I am intended to do in the future. This is what allows me to be grateful for the life that I have been given, and even more grateful for the life I know I will create in the future.
I wake up with sacred gratitude for the things I am doing that enable me to get to where I am meant to go. I know that there will come a time when I wake up with honor and love for the things I get to be doing.
I am a part of an endless creation. Don’t listen to bad music. Heaven is now. Passion is beautiful: share that. Normality? I don’t know her. I am not sorry that I have something to say. Receiving is just as important as giving. That thing that scares me? I’m doing it. My purpose is the relentless pursuit of who God made me to be.
I am here. I am now. And that’s pretty freaking awesome.
Love, Valerie x
THE BEST OF 2017