I have realized that I am not going to prosper and flourish if I pick a lane and stick to it. Confining my ideas to a certain meadow and then grazing and grazing and grazing will only wear me of life and fulfillment. Today I decided that my heart is not in its usual place, and that’s okay. Because something amazing is going to come from it. I just have to wait for the rainbow.
This week I have imagined myself standing in the rain.
It is a barren street with barely fed street lights, there are discarded cars sleeping in front of a filled garage, and houses are dark with content thoughts of assurance. Trees hum of instability and fallen drops swim with me, around me, and far from me. I am the only person, standing in the stomach of the road, confident no cars will be inviting themselves to my party. But I can see the sun trying to peek out behind the crying clouds that race across the sky.
Somehow, this image has kept dancing in my mind, never really gone, but always there. It showed up in places I didn’t want it to, with people who didn’t deserve the chaos, and with moments that shouldn’t have been made vulnerable. I believe my body is beginning to realize that fuel is not the only thing it wants to be fed. Instead, it wants answers, with health, assurance, and imminent knowledge that this is where I am supposed to be.
But despite the discomfort, I am going to stand in the rain and take it for what it is. There is a stable house, with dry clothes, and warm arms just in front of me. Running to it will not shorten the distance. So instead I am going to smile, stand in the rain, and let all that I know, and that I am, and that I hope to be, be sufficient enough for the sunrises to come.
And I hope you can do the same.
Love, Valerie x